Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
