I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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