hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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