is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
