are you still at the devil's house?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
