Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
