is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
