I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
