Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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