I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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