Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
