I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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