So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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