I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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