in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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