You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
