I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
