I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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