we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
