And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
