also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
