Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I need moral support for this bender
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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