That's intense
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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