She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
