is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
