THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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