It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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