Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am naked and annoyed.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
