I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize