I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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