i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
