i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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