Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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