just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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