Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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