and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
