I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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