..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
