i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
