You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
