I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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