It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
