I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just invented taco cereal.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
