i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
where are my eyebrows?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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