see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
