I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
