it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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