best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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