He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
