just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
