now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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