im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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