wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize