Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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