She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
