i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
