my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
