I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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