I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
