New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
