i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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