He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
