Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
