I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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