Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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