You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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