you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
