so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
