i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
