I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
