Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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