Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
