he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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