Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
