Yo dont text me then not text me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
