We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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