I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
