Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
