I want to walk on stilts...naked
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
