Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
