I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
