I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
