Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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