My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize