on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That accounts for only three of the penises
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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