woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
