Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize