So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i think i have two assholes
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
