Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
two words: eviction party
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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