the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
