My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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