But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Even my vagina gasped.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
