did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Everyone says I win the strip club
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
