I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
bring money and cleavage
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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