Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
