Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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