Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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