I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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